Duchenne Smiles

My wife and I recently hosted a baby shower to celebrate the birth of our first born, during which, I enjoyed a brief conversation with a friend. Despite this small, seemingly benign conversation taking place almost six weeks ago, it has been stuck, like a splinter, in the back of my mind.

Since then, our daughter has been born; baby and mother are both doing great.

This friend – she's married to one of my closest friends, whose friendship is among my longest-held and most cherished. The two of them also recently had their first child – also a girl, and so a great deal of our time together, these past months, has been spent musing over all the experiences of being new parents, how our daughters will grow up also the best of friends – how they'll start bands and play music together, like we've done together since high school.

As I mentioned, my friend and I became friends in high school, and so he and I have grown together, throughout all of our phases, into who we are now; there was a point where we both considered ourselves anti-natalist, and the irony is not lost on us that we're among the first in our friend group to have children.

At our baby shower, I once more began musing over impending parenthood, asking of her about my oldest friend: "What's the most – erm, surprising thing you've seen with (my friend), as a dad?"

The question left my mouth, clunky, as if off-road, off-balanced, shaking and rattling over washouts and wind ridges. It instantaneously felt off, imprecise – like it didn't quite capture what I really wanted to ask.

I recanted "Erm, 'surprising' isn't the right word – hmm". I pondered a bit, grimaced, hand to chin, peering up and to the right, paging through my lexicon for the right word that precisely captured the sentiment. I simply could not come up with the word, and so reluctantly settled on "special" – "What's the most special thing you've seen with (my friend), as a dad?".

This bugged me. "'Special'? Is there really nothing else – no other word, that captures the sentiment?" It seemed so milquetoast, so un-special. This conversation was long gone, but for weeks I found myself revisiting it – "what's the word here?".

Fast-foward to this week. I mentioned our daughter being born – it is truly amazing how quickly she's grown and how much fun I have with her. I find myself playing with her, and only realizing midway the soreness in my cheeks from laughing and smiling our entire play session – a real Duchenne smile.

Last night, the conversation re-emerged in my head, but this time something came to mind: "Duchenne Smile". This was the sentiment I was after, and such a precise and totalizing encapsulation. I was pleased with this, but how exactly to phrase it – "What's the most Duchenne Smile-Inducing thing you've seen with (my friend), as a dad?". That still sounded clunky, albeit solely phonetically – "What's the most Duchenne thing you've seen with (my friend), as a dad?" That sounded better, perhaps elegant, but was it even semantically correct? After a cursory Webster's search:

Du·​chenne: relating to or being Duchenne muscular dystrophy

Well jeez, that's definitely not right – but I really like the sound of it.

So, if I am to be so bold, and at risk of being incredibly silly, I am hereby coining a my own derivation:

Du·chen·nean: inducing or giving rise to a Duchenne Smile

"What's the most Duchennean thing you've seen with (my friend), as a dad?"

Please feel free to help promulgate this new wonderful word. I'm happy with this. Now to find my friend; I'd like to ask her a question that's been on my mind.